No Point for Tears
by Desenchanter
Summary: Some will tell you that twenty years isn't a long enough life. I don't. I was grateful for every second. Told form Kagome's POV.
1. Reluctance

**Summary**: Some will tell you that twenty years isn't a long enough life. I don't. I was grateful for every second. Kagome's POV.

**.°._N_**_o **P**oint for** T**ears_**_._°.**  
.•._**Reluctance**_.•.

**Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж**

I don't really like tears. I appreciate them and I even understand them but… more often than naught I think that they aren't for me even though they're shed in my presence. Tears arise for you, not for others. Your eyes sting because of how _you_ feel—even if that sadness is only sparked _because_ of another. Everyone knew it but didn't dare to tell me—I have it easiest. Granted, dying isn't fun and my sickness has taken so much from me. It hurts a lot, sometimes it's even hard to breath, but I do have it better than them.

I'm the one who gets to die. They're the ones that have to suffer through life. I don't want them to. I hope they let me go.

I want them to be happy.

My parents try not to cry around me, they got that out of the way when I was fifteen. That's when I was diagnosed, when I was told exactly how long I had to live.

Do you know how odd that is? To know how long you have left in this world before departing to the next? At first I was shocked; I thought that it _couldn't_ be true. Certainly, I had at least another fifty years left. My plans were always changing for my future, where I wanted to go to college, what I wanted to major in, how my life would work out… but I _had_ plans. That's why it couldn't be true.

Then… when it started to become apparent that I _was_ sick I gave in. It hurt, everywhere but mostly to breath—that's why sobs sucked, all the same, that was when most of the crying started. I balled my eyes out all the time. It wasn't fair—I was fifteen, I shouldn't have had to deal like that. My mother was always by my side… and she, too, cried constantly. Silently, when she thought I was asleep. I even caught my dad sniffling back the tears.

My little brother, though… that was the worst. Souta didn't understand what was going on or why all the attention turned to me suddenly. Until… he realized what it meant. That I'd be dead before he graduated high school. I could take everyone crying but him… it was the worst. He tried not to, because he was a boy and _boys_ weren't supposed to cry—that's what he always told me.

I hated it.

I was his big sister, I was supposed to protect him from pain and there I was the cause of his worse grief.

I started to go to churches, mosques, shrines, temples, and mystics, whatever to try and find a way out since medicine wouldn't do me much good. I'd talk to God, the gods, the spirits, whatever—just give me more time and I swear I'll be a better person. I had to be a bad person, right, that's why I'd only get twenty years to live?

Depression seeped in during my sixteenth year of life. I hated high school, it was terrible to go. My friends were the worst about pity, and the looks my teachers would give me after my multiple days of absence—when my sickness was too bad to go to school. I didn't really get the point of going, it's not like it mattered if I went to college or anything but I went to make my parents happy.

I had to pretend like I still loved life.

Then I met him and everything changed. The four years I had with the reckless boy was enough.

I had a good life. I just… should have told him the truth from the start. For the pain I caused him, I'm sorry—really, really sorry.

**Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж**

He was handsome, really handsome. At least that's what I thought the first time I saw him on his _motorcycle_—what girl didn't want to date someone at one point or another that rode one of them? He was a friend of a friend, if I could even put it like that back then. I had just met Kobayashi Sango in my second semester in my eleventh year of school. At first it was sad looking back and seeing how much of my life was consumed by something so pointless to me in the end—_school_.

Anyway, Sango's boyfriend Tsukino Miroku was best friends with him. One day, two weeks into class, I walked out of school with her and saw the two hanging out by the gates. I remember Sango rolling her eyes then telling me what an awful influence Tanaka Inuyasha was on her boyfriend but even back then I knew that a part of her liked the inu-hanyou anyway.

He was nineteen, graduated the year before but didn't go to college. He was just a mechanic in some shop.

"His life isn't going anywhere, ever," Sango had sighed. It wasn't that she was scolding him, she seemed sad about it like she wanted him to become something it was just… he hadn't any motivation.

I guess it was then that I felt a connection with him, because unbeknownst to my new friend, my life wasn't going anywhere either—ever. I had less than four years until the Reaper would come for me. Finding out at the start of the school year that you'd be dead before getting your college degree did blow.

He was gone before I could introduce myself, then Sango's charming boyfriend came up to introduce himself to me. He was a grade above us, and I was instantly jealous. He, too, was handsome. The moment their lips met in an innocent kiss I wanted to walk away. In my sixteen years, I never fell in love. I wanted to _so_ badly… the next day I was eager to leave with Sango in hopes that her boyfriend would be there with his friend.

"Hi," I eagerly greeted the silver haired boy; he just gave me an odd look like '_who_ the fuck are you? And what makes you think I give a damn?'

I was cute. I had boys asking me out, one in particular—Akitoki Houjo. So, if I ever showed interest in a guy I was use to them reciprocating. But with him… he didn't give a damn. It wasn't until Miroku elbowed him in the side that he muttered an unenthusiastic "hello" back to me.

It took two weeks of that—him, of course, not being there all the time—for our relationship to progress farther than a 'hello' and 'how are you'?

Finally I caught him checking my legs out, which I had always been told were my best features. They weren't ruined by the illness. I knew my good looks wouldn't last for much longer, eventually I'd look sick always so I decided to use them to my advantage—I decided to try and _live_.

I wanted romance, and I wanted a dangerous seemingly pointless one with a badass boy like him.

When he looked up from his scan he realized right away I had caught him and glanced away but not before seeming me smile—he knew what that meant, it's on.

The next day he made up a lame excuse to get rid of Miroku and Sango so he could ask me, "you hungry?"

No, I wasn't. I rarely was anymore, but I put on a smile and lied—like I seemed to always do—to say, "sure."

I could tell Sango wasn't necessarily surprised when I told her I was leaving with him but she obviously didn't approve either. Regardless, I giddily got on the back of his motorcycle and let him take me away. That was our first date; he took me to a cheap burger place. Our conversation was choppy but I was nervous and much later he confessed to me that he, too, was anxious.

**Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж**

I didn't tell my parents about him at first but they knew there was someone after two months of me constantly have rendezvous with my friends. They were just happy I decided to re-enter the world. Besides, what was the worst trouble a dying girl could get into?

I had kissed him multiple times in our first two months of dating—even though, he never called it that. I was never his girlfriend, just the girl that happened to be with him a lot. He'd take me to bars and clubs, places a sixteen year old shouldn't have been able to get into but he had connections and my age never seemed to matter.

It was exciting, it was _fun_—the music brought me to life. We'd dance and dance and dance even when I didn't think I had the energy. Then… sometimes, Inuyasha would run into some people he didn't like and they'd get into a fight. I didn't enjoy that so much, but my boyfriend would always win. Even if he walked away with a bloody nose or a couple of bruises…

We were at a shady bar one Saturday night; I actually drank for the first time. I figured since I might not even reach the legal drinking age why the hell not? One thing led to the next and we were in a dimly lit corner booth. I was all over him, our lips locked in a heated passion. I sucked his lips even nipped a bit, since he liked that. Then his hands slid up my skirt to touch me in a way I never had experienced.

All of a sudden, we stopped. He pulled me away and looked into my confused hazels with his _amazingly_ golden eyes—scanning mine like he was looking for something. Until I finally break the silence, "what?"

"Why are you doing this?" he asked me earnestly, I think that was the first time he _actually_ took us seriously. He even resituated his hands so that they were upon my waist.

"Doing what?" I questioned with a tilt of my head, I even bit my bottom lip. "Did you not like that…?"

"Why do you wanna be with me? Do all this stupid shit?" he nodded towards the bar, "you're a smart girl, you've got a bright future. I'm never going to be much more than a mechanic."

He didn't know… that bright future of mine was all burnt out. I didn't want to tell him, though I had thought about it a lot—even how to say it—because I couldn't take his pity. Sango didn't even know, but she had become my closest friend. The only people that did know promised me they wouldn't tell anyone. It was my secret… I was sick of the sorrowful looks people shot me once they found out that I was just a dead girl walking.

"This is a phase for you, right?" he asked, finally snapping me back to the moment. When my eyes locked with his again I could see a need in them, for me to say _yeah_. "You wanna go through a bad girl stage before going off to college, eh?"

There would be no college for me…

But for some reason he just wanted a yes from me, so I shrugged and gave it to him, "sure."

Sure, such a great answer. It wasn't a full-fledged yes but not a no either.

He nodded then, as his eyes scanned up and down me. Cautiously, I leaned back down to press my lips to his—when he responded we started up where we left off. It only lasted a little longer before he suggested that he needed to get my drunken ass home.

"Wait, wait, wait," I whispered as soon as he stopped his motorcycle at the bottom of the stairs I had led him to—that was the first time he'd ever even gotten a glimpse at my home.

"I need to walk you up the stairs," he had insisted, "you're gonna fall."

"Am I drunk?" I asked as I wobbled to walk, he quickly grabbed me to make sure I wasn't about to tumble already.

"Yeah," he assured with a nod. "Don't worry, I won't let your parents see me."

"They _can't_ see me," I whispered with an index finger to my lips, "I'm not old enough to drink."

"Then I'll get you in without them knowing." He promised as he took me gently into his arms, "tell me you have a window."

"Second floor by the big tree."

That was the first night he snuck into my room, granted I didn't remember much of it since I passed out. But boy, could he jump. I think my parents knew the next morning I had a hangover but they didn't mention it. I didn't make it a regular thing to get wasted so they let it go.

I got away with a lot of stuff back then.

**Ж****Ж****Ж**

Somehow, two months turned into four. Summer started and I realized that Inuyasha wasn't a fling. I had been fighting that feeling for a long while, telling myself that he was right—it was just a phase. When school stopped being a distraction I noticed… that he had become a big part of my life. Suddenly, I was so scared. I felt I was suffocating.

What if I was in love with him? I was _dying_. I didn't have time for love. I had time to feel heartbreak still and I didn't want to. I had an episode that started the day after school got out; I ended up in the hospital for a week… instead of the sickness that was eating away at my years I was worried about my relationship.

On the day I was allowed out my mother stopped me as I was getting changed—out of that _ghastly_ gown and into actual clothes.

"Kagome, you know I love you," that's how she started every sentence whenever I was in the hospital. Just in case things turned for the worst and she'd never talk to me again, she always wanted one of the last things she said to me to be 'I love you'—I know she does.

Mom, I didn't need you to always tell me. I appreciated it, though. It was one of the few consistences in my life. It always made me feel better.

"I also… know that you are seeing someone. Your father and I figured that out a long time ago," she cautiously started, "do you want to talk about it?"

In other words, why was I keeping it a secret? I just shrugged before I looked up from my jeans to her, "are you mad… that I didn't tell you?"

"No, sweetie," she smiled as she walked over to hug me, "we're happy as long as you are and… these past couple of months you've been happier than you have in a long time."

"I…" I slowly started before pressing my lips together and wrapping my arms tightly around him. "I really like him, mom."

It had been a long time since I cried. Whenever I did it was pretty much a way to vent my own self-pity and if I hated it pity from others then why it be okay for me to give it to myself? But… that time, I began to sob anyway.

It hurt to like him so much and… not know where it was going. He wanted it just to be a phase for me so did that mean I was just a fling to him? I had been gone a whole week and my inbox wasn't flooded with texts from him or missed calls. Maybe… I wasn't the only one he was with? I had heard rumors about him two-timing around on past girlfriends and that was the real kicker—I was never his 'girlfriend', he never called me that.

I was confident I had been through enough without having to add a broken heart to the list.

**Ж****Ж**

The night after I got out I texted him to meet me at a little restaurant not too far from where he worked, so he did. I decided to break it off with him before he could hurt me. I had my fun so… I'd move on to the next guy or something. My parents were taking me to America, New York for a week then L.A. anyway. I was going to do some traveling—they knew that's what I really wanted. To see the world…

"What's up?" he asked, completely nonchalant like it was no big deal as he slid into the booth across from me. I had only been gone a whole week without texting or calling him—I didn't know what to say, I was bad at lying. I could omit the truth about my disease but I couldn't lie that's why I didn't contact him. I didn't want to tell him I was in the hospital because that would lead to the inevitable reality that I was dying. But that disappearance didn't seem to bother him.

"I've been thinking," I drew out; I had never broken up with someone before so… it was hard. I fidgeted with fingers, kept crossing my legs one way then the other, and avoided looking at him. I guess those were all giveaways.

"You wanna break it off?" he supposed to win my attention. "I kinda figured it out from the cold shoulder you've been giving me."

"Inuyasha," I muttered before I bit my bottom lip, "that's not what it was... but yeah. I mean, this doesn't really matter, right?" I tried to smile as he looked away; he was always the brooding type so I didn't think too much about it. It was one of things that attracted me to him. "This is just a… fling, right? So… it shouldn't matter that it's…" the last word was the hardest to get out, I almost choked, "done."

"Yeah, sure, right," he muttered swiftly as he slid out of the booth, "whatever. It was fun while it lasted, see ya'."

I don't know… it was just something about the way he refused to look at me. That he sped through his words so much that they seemed to collide upon each other. I was scared it was just wishful thinking but I grabbed my purse and rushed out after him. When I grabbed his hand to get him to stop in the street, I guess something just snapped in him. He turned around to look me square in the eye—flames in his.

"What?" he grunted as he yanked his hand away. "You don't have to make it right, Kagome. A'right? Not everything's simple and sweet."

Believe me; he didn't need to tell me that.

For a moment my mouth just hung open until my brows bent together, "Inuyasha… are you upset?"

He just rolled his eyes at me before turning around.

"If this matters to you then I don't want to break up with you!" I shouted so loud that his cute little doggy ears twitched and the people around me stopped briefly to stare. But it got him to stop in his steps, too.

"What?" he questioned with a cocked brow as he turned to look at me—utterly stupefied. "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

"How is that dumb?" I retorted with folded arms, "you act so nonchalant like this _doesn't_ matter then you beg me to say that it's just a phase to me so… what's a girl to think, Inuyasha?"

"I did not beg you to say anything," he countered as he took a few quick strides towards me so we were face to face.

"You looked like you wanted me to," I murmured meekly back.

"I," he started with his usual zeal only to stop, sigh, and let his shoulders sag, "did… it would be easier if it was."

"Why?"

"Because… if it wasn't, then this would be real," he answered softly.

I didn't need him to explain, I got it. I was scared to get hurt... but so was he.

"Then," I dragged out, "come to dinner tomorrow night… at mine."

"Like," he coaxed out with raised brows, "with your family?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "_like_ with my family. So do you want me to?"

He was shocked, utterly, that I wanted him to meet my parents. I didn't ask him to but he cleaned up for them anyway, didn't look like the hoodlum he really was. I begged my parents not to talk about my "sickness" and they agreed. They knew it was a subject I hated to linger on but… they didn't think that meant I hadn't told him yet.

Even though I was gone for almost a month in the States and visiting my cousins in Kyoto during that summer, Inuyasha and I grew closer. But… I never told him. Whenever I went to the hospital for doctors visits or treatments I'd still text him. I just wouldn't tell him where I was.

That summer I phased out of the bars and clubs and whole bad-boy scene, and he did, too. I convinced him to enroll in college even, he had enough money saved up from working full time for a year that tuition wasn't a problem. If I was lucky I would see him graduate.

But... that was unlikely.

**Ж**

I was the first one to say 'I love you', he paused for exactly thirty-eight seconds—yes, I counted—then he said it back. I loved the feeling of falling _in_ love and being with him. He arranged most of his classes around my school schedule, but he still had to work since he was… all alone in the world. His dad was long gone and his mom had died when he was in high school. He had to make it in the world all by himself.

I hated how little we saw of each other but… whatever. If I told him the truth he would have put his life on hold, probably, and I didn't want him to do that for me.

"You know I love you, right?" he asked one night as he lingered above me on his bed, we had almost been together for nine months at that point. I nodded up to him, "then what's up?"

"With?" I coaxed out, I couldn't help but chance a glance at his alarm clock. It was Saturday but I still wanted to get home at a reasonable time so not to worry my parents. It wasn't like Inuyasha and I were sexually active, much to his bulging balls' dismay I'm sure. I was really proud of him that he hadn't pushed me and I loved him more for it.

He nodded as his eyes scanned me over quickly—I had never taken my clothes off for him. He was generous in throwing his shirt aside to show his sexy abs but I never did the same. It was just… my clothes were my disguise, without them I looked as sickly as I really was.

I was seventeen, he was twenty—it was reasonable for him to except that sex would be on the table.

"I'm just… not ready," I sort of lied, sort of didn't. On the one hand, I wasn't because I couldn't show him my real side. On the other, I felt completely safe with him and if I were ever going to have sex with someone it'd be him… I just didn't want him to see all of me. He'd be disgusted.

He withheld a sigh as he nodded and rolled over to my side, never letting his arm leave me, "I'll wait."

"Because you love me?" I guessed with a smile.

"Obviously," he answered before he said the classic line, "you know you're too good for me, right?"

And he really believed that. I was a little angel, someone _going_ places, that decided to mingle with a nobody like him. Apparently, he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that I loved him. Miroku always told me that even though I didn't try to change him—I always knew I'd just be a fleeting figure in his life, I didn't think I had the right to make him _change_ for me—because of me he did anyway. He wanted to become a better person so he wouldn't lose me.

The violet eyed pervert thanked me a lot for saving his best friend from never doing anything with his life. Miroku could always make me laugh…

"That's not true," I'd always whisper back to him as I cuddled closer. "You shouldn't say stuff like that."

"I'll stop saying it when it stops being true," he whispered as he kissed me upon my head.

I had no idea what was about to happen… but I did know I wanted to live forever with him. That's why it sucked so badly that my life only had three years left and that he had no idea. I just… I don't know why I couldn't tell him.

But I don't know why I thought he'd never find out. I guess I had become good at running from reality.

* * *

_**A/N**_: _Yeah, I know. Another unfinished story? Uck. But this was originally just going to be a one-shot and it turned into something more. It will be a four shot at most. I'm think probably only two chapters, maybe three, though. I just honestly have no inspiration to write any other story. Mostly Throes of Passion... I know I should update that one but I really should but I can't. I even know everything I want to happen. Ugh. I guess I have writers block on that one.  
_

_Hope you enjoyed and please review.  
_


	2. Acceptance

**.°._N_**_o **P**oint for** T**ears**.**_**°.**  
.•.**_Acceptance_**.•.

**Ж****Ж****Ж**

Looking back, it was silly of me to think that the three people closest to me—outside of my family, of course—wouldn't ever figure out that something wasn't right about me. I have to admit, I always thought that it would have been Inuyasha. He was the one that I spent the most time with but I for one know that you don't see what you don't want to.

And he didn't want to see the signs that I'd shrivel up and die in front of him just like his mother hand. If I had known about his mom in the start I would have never became serious with him, I wouldn't have wanted to put him through that type of pain. But it took until the fifth month that he finally told me how his mom had died… and the sixth for him to tell me how that was the spark for his downward spiral.

I didn't want to be the next spark.

"Kagome," Sango slowly coaxed out, her eyes locked on me. She had come to visit me on one of my many sick days, they had really started to add up in the year I knew her. Inuyasha never really realized how many there were. Sure he was aware I missed more school than the average girl but I was always complaining _about_ school that he thought I faked it.

He always thought my parents gave me everything I wanted and if I pouted and asked not to go for the day they'd cave in. It's true, in those last years they gave me everything. It sucked, though, since I couldn't give them the _one_ thing I really wanted to—ease of mind. They'd have to deal with the grief… and really they weren't good at that.

At least, not together, my mom became crazy serious about cleaning. _Everything_ always had to be clean; as if she could get control of that one part of her life then somehow everything else would fall into line. My father… work was his escape. They tried not to fight while I was around but my growing demise was tearing them apart and it hurt.

"Sango?" I replied as he wrapped the sheets around me.

"How sick are you?" she warily questioned with a tilt of her head.

"Oh, it's just a cold," I assured with a wave of my hand and a phony smile but that time she didn't buy it. Her frown grew deeper, that time she wasn't going to buy it.

"Seriously, Kagome, how sick are you?"

How can I look her straight in the eye and lie? "Really… really sick."

She pressed her lips with a nod, "how bad?"

"Two to three years," I muttered. Like everyone else, she misunderstood. She thought that was how long I have been sick.

"Wow," she whispered before taking my hands into hers, "what the doctors say? How long until you get better?"

"No, that's not what I meant," I mumbled as I pulled my hands free, "I've got three years left… and that's even wishful thinking. That's betting that treatments are working."

There was an ever so long pause, it seemed like an eternity, where she let that knowledge sink in. Then, finally, she blinked and swallowed down some sobs as she looked away. Before the plaguing question came—the one I _knew_ would show up as soon as she found out. "Does Inuyasha know?"

"No," I shook my head even. "Please… don't tell him, Sango."

"Doesn't he deserve to know?" She inquired.

"Yes," I whispered, "but I can't take him looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"_That_, the way you are right now, endless pity pouring into me. I don't want that. This knowledge is tearing my family apart, my parents… I love him; I don't want to hurt him."

"You're going to," Sango murmured, "if what you say is true… Kagome, you look less healthy each day. Inuyasha's more perceptive about physical stuff than any of us. I bet he knows he just hasn't accepted it yet. Do you want him to find out from someone else or you?"

"Is that a threat?" I gasped with an opened mouth.

Sango couldn't help but shake her head, "no, but other people must know. He'll find out eventually. Tell him, Kagome."

"I…" just nodded at that before looking back down at my bedding. How could I? I had thought of a thousand different ways but none seemed right. Honestly, not knowing his reaction was what scared me most. Would he be mad that I kept it? I assumed so. Would he break up with me? Not want to deal with a dying girl?

Is it wrong that I sort of hoped he would? If that meant he could avoid the pain of watching me wither away I would be okay with that.

It took a kiss upon my forehead to make me zoon back into the moment, Sango just smiled softly at me, "I love you, Kagome, if there is anything I do for you just say the word."

"Don't tell Miroku," I quickly requested, "give me a week to tell Inuyasha first. As soon as Miroku knows so will he… you know how those two are."

"Completely incapable of keeping secrets from one another," she lightly laughed, "yes, I know. It's kind of pathetic."

I just absently nodded at that… I'd have to tell him. I knew that day was coming.

**Ж****Ж**

"You're feisty tonight," Inuyasha chuckled with a grin as I pushed him down upon his bed—which, of course, meant he _let_ me. He was, after all, ten times stronger than me on a good day.

"Is that bad?" I asked with a pout.

He shook his head as he propped himself up with his hands, "I like it."

"Good," I whispered as I picked up the bag I had brought with me that night. I had already told my mom not to expect me back that night—that I was going to finally tell Inuyasha I was just going to savor some time with him first. "Hold on, for a while, babe."

"Babe?" he questioned with a lopsided smile, "you never call me that."

I just shrugged as I went into his bathroom. I had to stop and admire his new accommodations for a while. Granted, he was on a tighter budget now that he was only working part-time and paying tuition, but since Miroku graduated they moved in together, they were even going to the same college. My dear perverted friend was from an affluent family and often paid their rent in whole. It pissed Inuyasha off more than anything else he did, he _hated_ to the notion of someone else taking care of him like that. But after a week of calling Miroku every name in the book, he'd finally forgive him.

"Kagome!" he called out to snap me out of it. I took a deep breath in as I looked to the mirror to see the black lingerie with red lace—his favorite color—Sango had helped me pick out. "An hour's gone by!"

I rolled my eyes at that; I maybe had been in there for fifteen to twenty minutes getting myself ready. He was the world's most impatient man. I still had to take a deep breath in as I picked up the black satin kimono wrap to put it on before I turned to open the door.

That was going to be the night I gave myself to him… afterwards, I'd tell him the truth and see what he had to say.

He just laid on his bed with his hands folded behind his head as he waited for me to make my appearance, the moment I caught his eyes he sat up straight with a look of awe upon his handsome face. I couldn't help but smile—_I_ was doing that to him. And I wanted to do so much more…

"You like?" I questioned but I had yet to reveal what was underneath… for now I looked sexy, but when he saw that? I was too skinny though I had been doing better lately. I ate, even though I wasn't hungry.

"I like," he assured.

"I want… us to go all the way, Inuyasha," meekly I said, for a moment he just stared at me—a bit dumbfounded I dare say.

"What do you mean?"

Apparently, I didn't make myself very clear. I can't blame him, we'd been together for a year and I hadn't ever said something like that to him. I wonder if he thought that just maybe I'd never screw him—would he have been alright with that?

"This…" I replied, my nerves on edge, as I let my wrap fall to the floor.

For too long there was silence, his eyes locked upon me unblinking, I wondered if he was disappointed. Not as beautiful below it all as he might have thought?

Until, finally, he whispered, "You're beautiful."

And I, an unsure seventeen year old, muttered, "You're my boyfriend, you _have_ to say that."

"When do I lie?" he countered with brows lightly bent together.

That was an all to easy one to reply, I just rolled my eyes, "_all_ the time, Inuyasha."

"When do I lie to you?" He rejoined as he stood up to walk up to me, placing his hands gently upon my arms. "And you know I tell the harsh truths, all the time. And that's what this is, you are beautiful. I don't think I can live without ya' anymore."

"Without sex?" I translated as I looked up to him.

"Without _you_," he insisted, "stop putting words into my mouth, Kagome."

I smiled even though that broke my heart, quickly I wrapped my arms around his neck to burry my head in his shoulders. He had to live without me; he had to find a way…

"We don't have to do this, you know," he murmured into my ear as he gently held me back, as if even then he already knew how delicate I really was. "If you think I need _this_ you're wrong."

I shook my head against his shoulder, "maybe not, but I do."

"Well, if you say so," he said as if trying to pretend he was doing me a favor by accepting my request. It gave me a shiver when he whispered into my ear, his warm breath wafting against my bare skin, "I'll be gentle, trust me."

"I do," I always had. _Trusting_ him was never the problem… my fear of _hurting_ him was.

As promised he tenderly laid me down on his bed. He allowed his eyes to shift up and down me a couple of times before his hands started to roam my body—our lips crashed, our tongues tied. His searched the inside of mine, around all the crevasses, but he already knew every bit of that region.

I gasped into his mouth as his hand slid below my black panties to insert his finger into me while letting his thumb find the most pleasurable spot under my folds. His tongue lapped my neck as his teeth scrapped it just enough to give me shivers. A warm mouth wrapped around my breasts, suckling upon my sensitive nipples—I think I even whimpered at his touch as he indulged me below. As soon as he deemed down there to be damp enough he withdrew his digits to yank my panties all the way off.

Cautiously, he poised himself at my entrance, letting his caring sunlit gaze to meet mine waiting for a sign of approval. A nod was all it took for him to plunge in—there was a spark of pain but plenty of pleasure to follow that it didn't matter. We rocked together, entwined like I always envisioned our souls to be.

His mouth collided with mine all the while, telling me how much I mattered.

The throbbing, building, thriving need that he sparked within me finally exploded—allowing me to fly up and get a sneak peak at the pearly white gates I may soon seen.

Then, when he came, he called out _my_ name.

He lazily smiled at me after it was all done, while he enclosed me in his arms. I weakly returned the gesture as our legs twisted together. His warmth wrapped around me, deluding me into thinking for a while that everything would magically be alright. That our love could somehow perform a miracle and cure me, and I indulged myself in that fantasy as I shut my eyes…

Not knowing that would lead to me falling asleep and waking up to an empty bed. I knew right away he hadn't walked out on me; there was no pain, just some regret that his heat was no longer transferring to me. I did look around for a letter all the same and found one crumpled on his pillow. He worked almost all day Saturday and Sunday since he started to go to school.

I lost my prime chance at telling him what I had meant to for so long…

I wasn't one to curse but I still whispered, "_fuck_."

**Ж**

"Hey babe," Inuyasha instantly grinned at the sight of me as he whipped the grease off of his hand and walked out of the garage he worked at to see me. He kissed me, ignoring the stares of his co-workers.

"You're off now, right?" I quickly questioned, forcing a smile.

"Uh-huh, sorry about leaving you this morning like that, I had to come in early to cover for a friend," he explained as he grabbed his jacket. "Want to go get dinner or something?"

"Actually, I want to talk to you first," I countered as I took his hands into mine, "then… it's up to you if you want us to get dinner, too."

"That sounds ominous," he tried to joke only to frown when he realized it was just that—gloomy.

Once we got to the park and found a bench, away from plenty of people, his first guess almost broke my heart, "you're breaking up with me?"

Quickly, I shook my head as I squeezed his hands harder, "how could you say that?"

"Then what is it?" he asked with his brows furrowed together, "Kagome, you're kinda freaking me out here."

"I…" but how could I tell him? How could I shatter his world like that? I felt tears threaten to swell up as I pressed my lips together, choking completely on the words—forgetting wholly everything I meant to say.

"I love you," he asserted as he stroked a few strands behind my ear, "I love you a lot, Kagome… I was kinda planning on doing this later but…"

"Doing what?" I muttered while he slipped his hands out of my grasp and himself off the bench to kneel down in front of me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he promised. I watched, baffled, as he pulled a little red box out of his jacket. "I was going to wait until you graduated from high school."

"To do what?" I inquired with a bent brow; I should have known what he was getting at but… I had no idea until he opened the box and there it was—the prettiest sight. A golden ring with three diamonds, two tear dropped ones pointing outwards and the largest one in the middle, in an elongated oval shape.

"You… you can't affords this, Inuyasha," were the first words out of my lips, though I barely remember saying them as I stared in awe of the ring—shocked by the implications.

He grinned at me for that, "of course, that's your worry, eh? This was my mom's, I didn't buy it, does that make you feel better?"

I nodded at that, he did after all have tuition, rent, utilities, and a phone to pay for.

He took my left hand into his gently before he began, "Higurashi Kagome, will you—?"

"Wait," I gasped, finally snapping out of it to pulling my hand away so I could grab my cheeks as I shifted my gaze up from the diamond ring to his confused stare. "You can't ask me."

"Why?" he questioned with a bent brow, "I already cleared it with your parents."

"You… did?"

He nodded, "once you graduate we can get married, you've only got a semester left anyway. I mean, if you want to. Do you want to marry me, Kagome?"

"Of course," I insisted with a small smile before it faded away at the sight of his, "I love you but… I can't, Inuyasha."

"Why?"

The puppy dog stare he gave me was enough to weaken my heart but… I couldn't. I couldn't do that to him, so I shook my head and stood up, "I can't."

"I love you," he countered as he rose to meet me. "And I know, Kagome."

"Know what?" I sighed, it was killing me to say no… to walk away. I wanted to say yes, scream it, to get married to _Inuyasha_! That could be marked off my bucket list but… it wasn't fair to him, I couldn't do it to _him_.

"I'm not dumb," he slowly started as he took my left hand again; he got points for being persistent. "I figured out you were healthy a while back. I lived with all these signs with my mom… so, how long do you have?"

"Sango told you," I argued with a bitter frown, "didn't she?"

"No," he rejoined, equally harsh, "you think I'm that fucking stupid? That I can't see you withering away? I watched my _mom_, Kagome, do the same damn thing. I didn't even know Sango knew—does Miroku?"

"I asked her to give me a week to tell you before she told him…" I murmured with lowered eyes.

"Tell me how long you've got, Kagome," he ordered.

I bit my bottom lip; apparently I wasn't as stealthy as I thought I was. "The doctors say I'm doing well," was the best way to start the sentence, I knew. "But… well, I might see my twentieth birthday. So, like two and a half years."

"O-oh," he choked, which forced me to look back to him as he glanced away—shock etched into his expression. He expected a better prognosis, I suppose. "Um… Kagome…"

"I'm so sorry," I earnestly said as I took a step forward so that our bodies were almost touching. "I didn't know how to tell you… I didn't want you feeling sorry for me. I hated the idea of making you sad… I wanted our time together to be happy, not pitiful…"

It took him a while before he returned his stare to me, he just nodded at first before finding his voice once more, "I love you… will you marry me?"

"You want to marry a dying girl?" I shook my head at that, "think about it, Inuyasha. You don't need to do this."

"I don't _need_ to do anything," he knew that, he took my left hand all the same. "Kagome, you've made me a better person. I want to be with you for the rest of our lives, if that means two and a half years that means two and a half fucking years. I love you."

"I love you, too," I murmured before I looked down to her conjoined hands, "yes… yes, I'll marry you. I want a small wedding, just our friends and family, no weird long-distance relatives or anything like that, no acquaintances, just the people we actually like."

"Deal," he smiled as he pulled the ring out of the box and slid it on my finger, it was a bit too big but we would fix that later. "I love you, Kagome."

"I love you, too," I eagerly nodded before leaning forward to press my lips to his—my _fiancé's_ lips.

Until something hit me as I pulled away to look softly into his eyes, "my parents are going to break up over this..."

"No they aren't," Inuyasha rejoined, "they both said I could ask you."

That wasn't what I mean, so I shook my head again as I rested my forehead against his chest. "Over me... they are already starting to drift apart. I don't want to do that to you... I don't want to hurt you, to spark a downward spiral for you, like your mom."

"I've been in school for a year already," he countered as he kissed me upon my head, "I'll make you a deal, if you promise to make it _three_ years instead of two and a half, I'll graduate college. If not, then I'll put it off until you are..."

"I don't have much control over that, Inuyasha," I muttered.

"Of course you do," he countered as I stepped slightly away to tap me on the forehead, "it's about your mental, babe. I'm going to be with you here the rest of the way. You don't even have to finish high school if you want, we can just do go off somewhere together."

"No, no, I do," she asserted, "for my parents, it'd mean a lot to them if I do. Maybe... maybe enough that they'll stick together. My brother needs them, Inuyasha."

"Souta's a good kid, Kagome, he'll pull through all this," he promised as he leaned forward to kiss me again.

"I want you to make me a promise, please? _Please_?"

"Okay," he said with a small smile, "what is it?"

"Be there for Souta when I'm... gone," I swallowed back the sting of sobs, "please? He needs someone." And... so will Inuyasha.

His smile faded then, I know he didn't want to talk like that or even _about _when I'd be gone but he nodded and said, "I promise," all the same.

And I love him even more for that.

* * *

**A/N**_: There is going to be one or two chapters left, then it'll be done. That you everyone who has reviewed and please continue to :)_


	3. Defiance to Compliance

**.°._N_**_o **P**oint for** T**ears**.**_**°.**  
.•.**_Defiance to Compliance_**.•.

The commencement day of our not-so-long of life together was finally there. The ceremony was merely minutes away. My hazels reflected back at myself within the mirror I sat in front of, taking in the sight. I was a bit too skinny but the white puffy dress offset that. My hair was done up with calculated strands left down in waves, I wore the same jewelry my mother did on her wedding day… such a day should be the happiest in a girl's life and even with death looming just around the corner it was for me.

Because, unlike my defiant soon-to-be husband, I had accepted what was to come.

That was when my eyes focused on the other in the room with me, my teary eyed mother, "are you okay with this?"

"Yes," she gasped before finally letting the tears trickle down as she walked up to wrap her arms around my shoulders. "You have given me so much, sweetheart."

"I have?" I murmured back, could she really outweigh all the pain with joy? I wanted her to, _so_ much. It was those who I would leave behind that had it worse in my opinion. I got to move on to whatever was beyond life; they had to linger with the agony of loss.

"Of course," she insisted as she grabbed her purse and took out a photo of my graduation, holding it so tightly in her hands as she showed it to me. "And now the marriage photos will be wonderful as well. Inuyasha is a good man, sweetheart. You're lucky you found him and he's lucky to have you, too. Never feel bad about all this, darling, I got to see my little girl graduate from high school and now get married. You father's going to be able to walk you down the aisle; this is a great gift to us."

I took a deep breath in as I looked to the mirror and smiled before standing up to go out to where the music was playing, that was my cue. My lips only lifted all the more when I saw my dad standing there, holding out his arm to allow me to take it.

"You look beautiful," he whispered before planting a kiss upon my forehead, "I've never been happier for you."

"I love you, too," I replied, "thank you, daddy."

Then my stare shifted down towards my husband and I couldn't help but smile all the more. Truly, seeing Inuyasha in a tux was a gift in and of itself. I bet he hated to wear it… but he did it, for me. He would have been satisfied with a small ceremony or none at all. A big one made him a bit uncomfortable but… he did it for me.

And I did it for my family and friends. Showing them that I was happy, that I'd _be_ happy, maybe then they would be too?

Inuyasha smiled at me as I walked down, just as I did to him.

**Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж**

Our honeymoon was wondrous, completely carefree for the both of us. At least for a time I could make him forget I was going to be leaving him before either of us really wanted to. Night after night, morning after morning, and all the times in between we… preoccupied ourselves enough that the thought never came up.

He asked once after a particularly steamy session, the sheets spewed across our tangled legs, his hand delicately forming designs on my back, a question that stung, "did you ever want kids?"

_Did_ because really 'do' was a bad way to phrase it, he must have been thinking about it a lot, figuring out exactly when and how to ask.

"Yeah," I whispered back, "but after I found out I was… terminal, I knew I couldn't. Not only would I simply not be able to," since that meant me going off my treatment, I'd probably be dead before I could deliver, "but I wouldn't want to have a child I could never know. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. Do… you want one?"

"I never really considered it," he confessed as he planted a kiss upon my shoulder. "But… in an alternative reality where you were… healthy, I would have liked the possibility."

The silence that swirled around us made him say swiftly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay," I murmured back as I looked up to him. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he answered as he leaned down to press his lips to mine.

Sweet moments like that were what I cherished, sure we got into fights—which I was grateful for, I would have hated him holding back out of pity—but we had way more good moments than bad. Even at the boring times when he had to study, I'd be there to message his shoulders.

After high school I got a part time job so that we could live together, but I made sure I only worked when he did so we still had time together. For the most part, I kept up are apartment, it was the small chores that actually made me happy.

Our vacations were wonderful as well, Kyoto, Osaka, Sapporo, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, and the Jeju islands off the coast of South Korea. Though, it was raining most of the time we were there. Not that that mattered, we found a way to past the time in the hotel.

**Ж****Ж****Ж**

I remember right after his graduation from college—yes, he did it, just as he promised me he would—I was on a walk all alone. Gradually, my health began to get worse. I didn't wallow in my own self-pity; I hadn't done that in a long, long while. Since I accepted what was to come.

Granted, I wouldn't have as long of life as those around me, but twenty wonderful years was good enough for me. But what I did have to wonder about, _all_ the time, was what could I do for Inuyasha to make him feel better—what can I leave for him?

Flowers wilted away, food's no good, and I'm no artist, so what…? I had made sure to set up plenty of times for Souta and him to hang out; they had obviously bonded and would at least have one another to lean upon once I was gone. For that I was grateful, but I still wanted there to be something else for him to take his mind off of the misery that was sure to suffocate him for a while… no matter how much I'd beg him not to be sad once I was gone, he'd never promise a thing.

Then I saw the most adorable thing in the story I walked by and smiled before going in. A pet shop, who would have thought I'd find my answer in there? A little white pup caught my attention the most, the poor runt was in the corner while the rest wrestled around. I playfully pouted before picking her up to lift her high enough to see that she _was_ a girl.

"Hello there," I greeted cheerfully, "want to come home with me?"

"Great pick," the shopkeeper declared as he came up to me, a pimply faced teen. "That's a bichon frises, two months old, isn't she adorable? They're smart, well mannered, easy to potty train, and live _forever_."

"Really?" I chimed, turning my attention to him right away as I began to cradle the little puppy against me. "Why do you say that?"

"My grandma has _two_," he answered with a grin, "one's nineteen the others twenty. Crazy, huh? And I don't see them crocking anytime soon. Granted, one is blind and the other has some issues walking but it's nice."

"I think so," I answered, "I'll take her."

It would be my graduation gift to my dear husband. Something that he could take care of, pay attention to, an adorable little fluff ball that could get him out of his gloom.

**Ж****Ж**

"A _fucking_ dog?" Inuyasha inquired as he bent his black brow ever so high, "seriously, Kagome?"

"You don't like?" I pouted before I started to scratch my puppy's ears, "she's so cute. I think it's a wonderful gift for graduating. I _loved _seeing you in the robe with that funny hat."

"Shut up," he muttered with a sour stare before he turned his attention to our dog. "Seriously… a dog? I'm an _inu_-hanyou, ya' know?"

"I didn't actually take that into consideration," I had to admit as I looked up at his ears, "good thing I didn't get a cat, huh?"

"Haha," he sighed before his brows bent together to look over me. I was weak and withering away before him and it _killed_ him. He had to protect those he loved yet he could not stop my impending death. I promised to make it to see him graduate… and it wasn't that I gave up after that, it's just I accepted it.

It was compliance with the cosmic way of things.

"I love you," he whispered as he reached out to take the dog from me, "thanks, Kagome."

"Take good care of her," I ordered with a pout as I handed her to him, "she's just and itty bitty puppy that needs to be protected."

"We'll take good care of her," he countered, "won't we? You can keep fighting this thing, the doctors never really thought you'd make it this long but you _did_."

"Honey," I sighed as I walked up to plant a kiss upon his cheek, "I'll stay around as long as I can. I'm sorry but I accept all that's to come, I'm ready to go. I'm sorry that you're the one that has to suffer but I'm certain I'll be going to a better place. We'll meet again."

"Kagome, don't say that," he rejoined with a shake of his head, "don't say shit like that. I don't want to lose you."

"I love you," I answered and that was the best I could do. I could tell him that we don't always get what we want, I don't _want_ to die at the age of twenty, but I accept that. Just as he'll eventually have to accept losing me, so I added, "be happy, Inuyasha, once I'm gone. Find someone who makes you happy."

"_You_ make me happy," he insisted, "really fucking happy."

"Language," I taunted as I tapped him upon the nose. That a got a smile out of him finally, and I couldn't help but laugh when our dog began to lick him upon the cheek…

… but within a week I was gone.

**Ж**

"Aiko, come here," Inuyasha ordered with a wave of his hand, the fully grown dog reluctantly returned her attention to her master and away from the tree she was ever so interested in. "I said, _come_."

A small whine left her as she began to prance up to him as he sat upon the bench; he made sure to pet her to show that it was okay. A reward of sorts for being so obedient, which she wasn't always—really, half the time she did what _she_ wanted regardless of what he said. But he loved her, dearly.

"Seriously, I wonder sometimes," the woman beside him whispered with a small smile upon her painted lips as she shook her head. "Do you love that dog more than me?"

"Aw, of course I do," he taunted as his golden gaze shifted to the dark brunet beside him before down to her left hand where a ring shined in the sunlight. "I love you, though, babe."

"I know," she replied as she raised a hand to rub his shoulder, "so, how do you want to celebrate your promotion? You're now a _manager_, the big boss."

"Yeah, that's me," he laughed while he pressed his lips together.

"You miss her," he heard her said so lightly that if not for her advanced ability to hear he wouldn't have.

"Why do you say that?" he questioned as he glanced up to meet her big brown eyes, the thing that first attracted him to her. It went against his will but… she broke down the barrier he had built. He didn't think he'd know happiness again, he _never_ thought he'd get married, but… Souta gave his blessings, along with Mrs. and Mr. Higurashi. They were more than accepting, they were encouraging—they _wanted_ him to be happy.

And so would Kagome… but it hurt off and on all the same. There'd always be that small ache in the center of his.

"You get this look on your face every time you're thinking of her," she replied tenderly, "it's okay, Inuyasha. I can't imagine… losing your mother then your first wife like that? I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

"But you could," he countered as he sat up straight to take her hand into his, that was another thing that he liked about her. She had a broken past, just like him, parents died when she was young so she had to rough it out and take care of her younger sister all the while. "I miss her, I'll always miss her, but… she wanted me to be happy. And I am."

"So am I," was her whispered reply before she leaned forward to plant a kiss upon his lips.

He could have fought it forever yet there was no defying fate—it took her away. And if she was somewhere that could see him he didn't want to disappoint him being draped in depression. That's why he'd force himself out into the world.

It took so long for him to realize… there was no point in tears. What time he had with her was a gift, not a curse.

* * *

**A/N**_: Hope you enjoyed. Thank you all who reviewed.  
_


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